I'm not who I was yesterday

Identity instability is pretty much my identity. I feel like I change a lot, but rapidly, and without warning, from one identity to the next. I'm never sure who I want to be that day. Now, you see, it's got so bad that I change my outfit maybe two to four times a day. On the one hand I love Japanese fashion and it's kind of nostalgic to me and I am a lover of nostalgia. So I kind of want to just dress like I dressed ten years ago - I want to wear fairy princess clothes (I hate the word 'costume' because I feel like I'm always/never in a 'costume' because I am a different character everyday) and floral print ditzy dresses and dungarees. And you know what, I do wear those clothes. I have a poofy tutu skirt and my pink dresses and a floral shirt and a pair of vintage purple dungarees. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm transgressing back into childhood - that's not what nostalgia is about, it's about loving how you were then and wanting to appreciate something of how things once were. I just wear things to appreciate them, I guess. Style is everything I have identity-wise, I feel like I have a malleable character and change day to day. Everything affects me. This includes music and art and the internet and people, oh especially people, and medication I'm on.

Of my blog posts, I tend to have working titles and little structure, unlike my essays for University which are super structured. I want to have the title be something which indicates what the post is about, so you can read it easily if you're interested. But to be honest, I can never decide what my posts are actually about anymore. I think I'm just writing. And writing is a form of nostalgia to me. I used to write prolifically, and I guess I still do (essays, thoughts, journalling, texting, the occasional poem) and writing gives me time to reflect, and blogging lets me share this crazy reflection with you guys. I hope you've enjoyed this reflection, now let me share a few mementos with you:

Thanks for reading <3

God bless 

Louise :)

Personal Style... I'm Still Figuring It Out

I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I'm talking and no one is listening and I'm just existing in a space where so many other people are existing. Is anyone out there? Style are you out there? Maybe it's better I have no specific reader or audience and that I'm not a proper fashion blog. I don't want to be a brand and exist in the space between company and individual. I'm wanting to exist as a soul that cannot be contained and put in a little box. Of course, I speak about this crisis in terms of style. I'm comfortable in my friendships and academic life, but my style life is suffering.

The other day I watched a video on Youtube about personal style by Vogue and I realised that I have no style.  It made me feel sad, and disappointed with myself. I just wear clothes. And sometimes I feel uncomfortable, and can't wait to get home and change into my off-duty clothes (jeans, a shirt and trainers). Maybe my style are the clothes I feel comfortable in? But... They're not exciting or vibrant or unusual. So maybe I have no style. I'm a chameleon. That's it! I'm a chameleon. Each day I think about where I'm going, what I'm doing that day and select what I want to dress like - how do I feel? And I express how I feel on the outside, but unlike a chameleon I contrast my environment. Maybe I'm a inverted chameleon.

Alexa Chung and two other very stylish ladies were discussing what style was, and apparently (according to them) you can't be uncomfortable and stylish. And I agree, but I think that you can be uncomfortable at first when trying to find your style. I felt uncomfortable wearing lolita fashion at first, but I soon learnt to love it, and I used to really look forward to Saturdays when I could go out to town dolled up in Angelic Pretty and bows and pink.

I guess I'm, as Tavi Gevinson would say, still figuring it out. 

After all, I'm only nineteen and I have the rest of my life to figure out who I am and how I want to dress, so if you're in the same situation and having a bit of a meltdown like me, try not to worry. The night is young, we have plenty of time.

Aesthetics

Happy Friday! I enjoy outfits, don't get me wrong, but recently I've been more focussed on incorporating a favourite object or collection of objects or aesthetic. Some days I want to dress like a tortured artist, and others I want to be a Japanese doll princess. This day I wanted to be a photographer - a ginger-haired, monochrome, androgynous photographer. And I think that's what's important - dressing to be who you want to be. Not dressing to be like who you want to be. Once you're in the clothes you shouldn't feel like you're pretending. I like to think you are the aesthetic you desire for a day or so. I've been wearing my converse and lumberjack shirts and breton tees a lot these days, and using and playing with my Miranda camera. It's an SLR film camera and when I bought it, it contained a used film and I suddenly thought:

these are someone else's photos... OH MY GOSH WHAT IF THEY'RE NUDEY PIX?/??

but I shall trust they're scenery or an old couple or some innocent children.

I also realised something recently.... my writing on this blog is DULL... I just tell you what they photos are and update. I've been watching a lot of Tavi Gevinson interviews over the past couple of days and she really inspires me. I want to write about things people care about. And that is not necessarily my trip to the zoo, or what I liked this month. I'm just a bit stuck - I want to be new, I want to make things new with you (soko lyric, yes).

I will try to make my writing more interesting and if you lot have any suggestions for things you'd like to see I'd be very happy. Also I am banning myself from the exclamation mark - it's evil and I use it too much. I just don't need it.

God bless,

Louise

1-7.3.15 the marmalade cat photography

1. Feeling a little morose tonight.

2. 

3. + 4. Shoes

 5. snowdrops

6. costa swan

 8. new kanken

9. + 10. + 11. playing with light

Source of this photo: deletes

Good day everyone!

I'm very sorry for the lack of posts recently, I've been rather down and focussing a bit more on my new tumblr, and art journalling and taking polaroids and stuffff... I really hope you can forgive me. 

As you may notice, my blog also has a new name! The Marmalade Cat, as I just felt that my aesthetic didn't really fit 'Fashion Museum' anymore and I wanted to move slightly away from the fashion blog thing and become more arty and photographic! I am thinking of doing a post of all my polaroids, let me  know if you'd be interested in seeing that. 

In other news, I now have orange hair, a new blue jumper and my first record. I went charity shopping yesterday and spent a long while in Topshop too, just looking at all the gorgeous clothes my student bank account can't afford... *cries* 

So basically I'm not overly sure if they'll be a HUGE amount of fashion posts on this blog from hence forth but I'm sure they'll be a good few ootds and stuff. I want to be more like my tumblr and post my art and poetry. I hope that's okay with you. 

This was my photography of the week post! I hope you enjoyed~ 

God bless <3

Louisey 

www.tortoisefl0wer.tumblr.com

@wowlouise on twitter

louiseyviv on instagram